Memorial Day

The holiday has come and gone but it was a difficult one for me this year - don't understand why this year should be any different than the previous ones. It's been ten years since Brian died. We went to the cemetery early Sunday morning before Memorial Day because Bob and I are very private people, I don't like crowds, we don't do anything special by Brian's place - say a prayer, talk about him or just be quiet, but its our moment and we selfishly want to be left alone. Don had gone to visit Brian earlier, Kev and Alex were gone so we couldn't bring them. The sad thing to me is we ALL haven't been to visit Brian together, for some reason it bothers me that we can't do that. Brian wouldn't be upset because he knows, but I guess its the family thing and it's all in my head of what should be done.

The cemetery has enlarged so much since the day Brian was buried. There was no big chapel building. We had his ceremony with the military guards in a small pavilion. I remember when the soldier was handing me the flag that draped over Brian's casket his hands were shaking so much. I remember after the ceremony they pulled Brian's casket which was on a dolly by a lawn tractor and we stood there watching it go away from us - I thought why aren't we following it to his grave site - I didn't know what to do but stand there and watch him go. So, we went to his site for a short time. I guess there are somethings they don't do until the family leaves. We stayed awhile then went back later in the day. We buried him in his Army uniform.

There are so many things you never ever forget when it is your son. Your flesh and blood, the child you carried in your womb. Most women can tell you how it was in childbirth, I can tell you Brian's last breath.

Brian was a good and loving son. He was the type of person who was respectful and enjoyable to have around. He was not disagreeable nor negative, he was pleasant and thoughtful. He was a good Christian and he knew God and tried to live his life as the thought his Father would want him to. I miss him every day. I miss his laugh, the way he said "mother" when he would be upset with me for something silly. He was over 6ft 4 and would stand tall beside me like he could put something over on me - but he knew better. He was a good person.

But, life goes on, we have to tuck our memories and sadness in our side pocket and do the best we can, but there's always a void that will never ever be replaced.