As I was sitting at the kitchen table this morning, I realized it was a Catholic Holiday of Our Lady's Annunciation, and it was the day we brought Brian home 18 years ago from the Veteran's Hospital in Santa Monica, California. Boy what a ride that was!!! They flew Brian and I from LA to Nellis Air Force Base where an ambulance met us and brought him to our other home in Las Vegas. The house we are in now, we purchased and remodeled for his care. The other house was a tri-level and very difficult for me to get him around without having to use ramps and move them around myself.
It was a wonderful occasion bringing him home since we would have Brian home to celebrate my birthday a couple days later.
This was the beginning of a lifestyle I would have never dreamed of accomplishing. My whole life changed the day we brought Brian home. Our whole family's lives changed that day too. We were touched in a way that could never have happened as a result of caring for Brian. Amazing!
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Packing up
We are getting ready to sell this house - the house we bought to care for Brian. I started yesterday with Brian's service photos and senior photo - it is so sad to do this. I miss him so and I cry as I carefully pack each momento of Brian's away.
Monday, August 3, 2009
On my mind
I've been delinquent posting on this blog because of the seriousness most days of my thoughts and feelings for Brian. I need to take time to really make a commitment for him to follow through daily.
This past weekend the high school he attended had their reunion. I know this because I have a FaceBook page and many of my Friends are the kids now grown adults that Brian grew up with or knew from high school. It has been very bittersweet since starting the FaceBook and have the friends from Brian write about their life, but I do feel a joy at hearing from them. I've also picked up on some of the parents of the kids and some were dear friends of mine.
It was sort of odd when some had asked about Brian and were surprised to find out he had passed away. These individuals had moved away from the town where they all grew up so that was reasonable to know. Some made comments about Brian being so kind and nice. And, that he was.
No matter how much time passes I miss him and his laugh most of all. I remember his temper and lack of control especially playing tennis in Germany. He said he was always having to buy new tennis rackets. I would imagine by this time in his life he would have good control on that temper.
He had a girlfriend who loved him as much as he loved her and I know she would have had a very positive effect on him. He would have been such a great father. The last time he was home, Tom was just a toddler and Brian was great with him.
Brian was a balanced and grounded individual with deep faith commitment to God. I know he would have had a good influence on our other kids and especially Tom.
I read that the VA hospital in Houston, Texas, have received several millions of dollars for TBI research. They do need the money especially now with the soldiers coming out of Iraq and Afghanistan with TBI. I feel like they didn't have all the information on brain injuries they needed both at the military hospital and the VA hospital in LA. The VA hospital was connected with the UCLA medical training hospital. Brian did have an examination once by two excellent doctors in training. It was refreshing getting an opinion from them, although, they were not able to offer an hope.
Once we got Brian home, it had been mentioned why they didn't put a tube in his brain to drain the swelling - that was a good question. This procedure should have been done right away or as things were occurring. I don't know and because I was so stupid on those things at that time, I didn't know what questions to ask.
How can you ask a question or inquire about any type of care if you have never experiences an illness before or have the benefit of a family member or friend with that experience. We were so alone. I knew of no one who had ever had a child with severe brain damage. It was a difficult time, but Bob and are are very independent and we did our best for Brian. Our hope was always high even during the times when the physician I had back then had no encouragement for me. He would ask me why I have so much hope - he was a discouragement as a physician. We were finally able to find an excellent physician who worked with us until Brian passed away and we are still good friends.
We are able to re-do Brian's room. We have been trying to get it together to paint the interior of the house since we may be selling. I had wallpaper with ducks and hunting stuff put in Brian's room because growing up on the farm he loved to hunt. But, he never regained his sight and never realized how his room looked. His bed left the rug very loose and there are wheel print in the rug today. We'll be stripping the wallpaper and replacing the rug. I'm not doing this to lessen the pain of Brian's death, but because it's time. It will be difficult, I think, just as it was when the VA came and took away his bed, lift, gurney, oxygen tanks, and all the equipment I had for his survival. They were so kind, they weren't ready to rush in and take everything away quickly because they wanted to - but they were respectful of our pain. We had grown close with many of those I worked with for so many years caring for Brian.
It's been almost twenty years since Brian's accident. So much happened between that time - it's almost like a picture book when you flash the pages quickly by - many changes.
This past weekend the high school he attended had their reunion. I know this because I have a FaceBook page and many of my Friends are the kids now grown adults that Brian grew up with or knew from high school. It has been very bittersweet since starting the FaceBook and have the friends from Brian write about their life, but I do feel a joy at hearing from them. I've also picked up on some of the parents of the kids and some were dear friends of mine.
It was sort of odd when some had asked about Brian and were surprised to find out he had passed away. These individuals had moved away from the town where they all grew up so that was reasonable to know. Some made comments about Brian being so kind and nice. And, that he was.
No matter how much time passes I miss him and his laugh most of all. I remember his temper and lack of control especially playing tennis in Germany. He said he was always having to buy new tennis rackets. I would imagine by this time in his life he would have good control on that temper.
He had a girlfriend who loved him as much as he loved her and I know she would have had a very positive effect on him. He would have been such a great father. The last time he was home, Tom was just a toddler and Brian was great with him.
Brian was a balanced and grounded individual with deep faith commitment to God. I know he would have had a good influence on our other kids and especially Tom.
I read that the VA hospital in Houston, Texas, have received several millions of dollars for TBI research. They do need the money especially now with the soldiers coming out of Iraq and Afghanistan with TBI. I feel like they didn't have all the information on brain injuries they needed both at the military hospital and the VA hospital in LA. The VA hospital was connected with the UCLA medical training hospital. Brian did have an examination once by two excellent doctors in training. It was refreshing getting an opinion from them, although, they were not able to offer an hope.
Once we got Brian home, it had been mentioned why they didn't put a tube in his brain to drain the swelling - that was a good question. This procedure should have been done right away or as things were occurring. I don't know and because I was so stupid on those things at that time, I didn't know what questions to ask.
How can you ask a question or inquire about any type of care if you have never experiences an illness before or have the benefit of a family member or friend with that experience. We were so alone. I knew of no one who had ever had a child with severe brain damage. It was a difficult time, but Bob and are are very independent and we did our best for Brian. Our hope was always high even during the times when the physician I had back then had no encouragement for me. He would ask me why I have so much hope - he was a discouragement as a physician. We were finally able to find an excellent physician who worked with us until Brian passed away and we are still good friends.
We are able to re-do Brian's room. We have been trying to get it together to paint the interior of the house since we may be selling. I had wallpaper with ducks and hunting stuff put in Brian's room because growing up on the farm he loved to hunt. But, he never regained his sight and never realized how his room looked. His bed left the rug very loose and there are wheel print in the rug today. We'll be stripping the wallpaper and replacing the rug. I'm not doing this to lessen the pain of Brian's death, but because it's time. It will be difficult, I think, just as it was when the VA came and took away his bed, lift, gurney, oxygen tanks, and all the equipment I had for his survival. They were so kind, they weren't ready to rush in and take everything away quickly because they wanted to - but they were respectful of our pain. We had grown close with many of those I worked with for so many years caring for Brian.
It's been almost twenty years since Brian's accident. So much happened between that time - it's almost like a picture book when you flash the pages quickly by - many changes.
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