Time

I created this particular blog to share how our life evolved around Brian and the care we gave him during the time he survived in a bed unable to do anything for himself. We are coming upon the tenth anniversary of the day he left this earth, so it goes without saying he does come to mind more frequently and with more sadness and remorse for our emptiness.

Regrets are probably the most emotion that is activated at any given time. I was Brian's primary caretaker and with that comes the stark reality of responsibility and must know what to do when, having everything just so so. In those days, I was on top of things, today I am a weakling. When he died I lost it all, because I gave it all to him. Oh, I guess that's an overstatement because I still had to raise Tom, our grandson, and he was a handful then. I'll never understand how I did it all. God was good to me, I know, but today, I feel let down.

One regret I have had was when I knew he was leaving us, I didn't take him in my arms and hold him tight. It would have been a difficult physical thing to do but I should have done it. I held his hand and touched his face and all those little things, but I regret not holding him in my arms one last time. Brian was a huggie person, a really good hugger too.

Now I know why I don't write in this place more often, it is very sensitive for me - very emotional to dig so deep in my soul of memories to bring him back. I have to make an effort to write about this wonderful man and what he meant to me and our family. His accident and how we took care of him touched many people's life. He didn't have a big funeral, only a few people came, but during the time of his life and after his accident in the Army hospital, VA hospital, and then home, we came in contact with many people who were touched. I know in this life it's not how much money we have or the size of our homes or what we have in them, but how we treat our fellow man and give glory to God in that way. If there is nothing else in my life, through it all the way I cared for Brian, my love and devotion raising Tom our grandson, and cherishing my husband will be my legacy.