Dreams

Brian has been gone almost nine years now and it never ceases to amaze Bob and I how his spirit still surrounds us. I am usually reluctant to bring up dreams because unless someone has experienced the same another may think I have lost my mind. I guess another phenomenon that goes with that is feeling is an aura when nothing is in eye sight. I am a very sensitive person and have premonitions so i guess all of those experiences go hand in hand. Ok, don't get the idea I am some kind of gypsy or fortune teller, I am just a normal sensitive mom that cries very easily at most sad movies, especially with babies, dogs, and old men.

Every once in awhile Brian comes to me in my dreams. I'm not so naive to believe that God has literally sent Brian down from heaven to visit me in my dreams but then could that be? I don't know what creates the environment for the dreams of Brian, maybe something that's happened during the day, but sometimes,there's been nothing to invoke the thoughts. I will admit however yesterday was a Brian day. The heating and air conditioning guys are here and they are attempting to removing lines for two humidifiers we had put in back when we bought this house in 1993. The water lines are up in the attic which in this house is actually only a crawl space.

Brian had severe respiratory problems and he was on oxygen. We thought having a humidifier would help Brian's breathing in this dry climate. It turns out the humidifier didn't work appropriately and after a period of time, Bob turned the water lines off because they were leaking. Today, they are trying to find out where the lines were run so they can disconnect and removed the units. We are selling the house so I guess we will be stimulating many of Brian's spirits as we paint and repair over knicks and knaks where Brian's wheelchair has dented, or in his room where the rug has wrinkled from rolling around the lift I used to get him out of bed. This was Brian's house, it was bought to care for him because of the open floor plan, everything was remodeled and arranged around him. It will serve another disabled person well if they chose to buy it.

My dreams of Brian are always happy. Last night's dream he was giving me a hug. Brian was a great hugger. He was 6 ft 4 and very buffed. He strived to keep physically fit all of his life - he was very slender. Brian had severe brain damage and was "on the brain injury scale" as a low level response, but Brian had his own method of responding and communicating that we understood. Of course, he never did anything to show off when we were with the doctors, at the hospital, or with strangers.

After experiencing one of Brian's dreams, we are left with a sad distant feeling. Our dreams are so real just like he is here in person. Its hard to let him go.